How is the fall

I trip like you do.

Great Idea for TV Show

Alright, check it out. I've got a great idea for a tv show.

Let us take three mediocre bands from the 80s and get them to perform one song. But before they each perform, have a current mediocre band perform a different one of their hits. Okay, now we can get several actors and actresses, who have no connection to the music or the bands but who are promoting movies, to come and introduce the bands. I'll get a reality TV star to host, but not one who has even been on the channel before.

***********
Damn, I got beat to the punch. Damn you, VH1 and your Rock Honors.

A Letter to Timbaland

Dear Timbaland,

As you so proudly pointed out, I'm just a piano man, but I don't think it is that bad. I mean, Billy Joel is the piano man and, well, he has sold 79.5 million albums. How many platinum albums do you have? That is right, one. I'll stick with the piano man, thank you very much.

Yours,

Doughnutman

He Really is Not All That Into You

Dear Avril Lavigne,

Guess what, babe? He is not all that into you. You should really consider moving on and finding another guy.

He is flattered that you think he looks good but he doesn't care. I am glad you think you are great and his girlfriend is lame. Well guess what? You shouldn't date her! He is the one dating her and he obviously likes her more then you or else he would be dating you.

Your friend,

Doughnutman

Chocolate Jesus is Tasty

Chocolate Jesus is tasty.

For all those people who like naked men and chocolate, this is the story for you.

Just thought I'd let you know

The song is about me.

The Effects of Pluto

Just thought I'll let you know

I'm the person who the song is about.

How I Want It

I want it medium well

with sides of mashed potatoes,

marinated green beans,

some fresh corn on the cob,

maybe a little gravy on the side, too (if it's not that difficult),

and a diet cola.

You got all that, P. Diddy?

Do I need to send you an email, Christina Aguilera?

The News with Jokes

The News with Jokes

Rapper The Game is suing the WWE because they have a wrestler called The Game. A fake hood versus a fake fighter: the winner will get a fake trophy.

The lead singer from the All-American Rejects is going to create his own clothing line. Because he feels there are not enough clothes for emo kids to wear and be mopey in. He'll also consider other brand-new and original ideas like a line of shoes and perfume.

Macy Gray was almost arrested in Brazil for cursing. No need for a joke here, the joke is on us for reporting it.

This is Why I'm Hot

Why am I hot?

I'm wearing 4 sweat shirts

I represent New York

I just ran a maration

I watch them get it on da flo

I just drank some hot chocolate

I hit da studio

I worked out for six years

This is why I'm hot.

Found X

Math was never Gary's best class.

Bibilical Family Law

Check out http://hypnocrites.blogspot.com/ for more cartoons!

Thanks to Dhonig for making this great cartoon!

What I like about you

1. You hold me tight

2. Tell me I'm the only one

3. You whisper in my ear

4. Tell me all the things that I wanna hear

5. You know how to dance, I mean really know how to dance

6. Wahh!

7. You make me feel alright

8. Brrr

9. Hey

What I got instead of satisfaction

I was unable to acquire satisfaction. Here is a list of things I was able to acquire:

1. Appreciation
2. Idaho
3. Gold medal
4. Ice cream
5. Fruitcake
6. Toothpaste
7. Dictionary
8. Congratulations
9. A Hickey
10. Forest-green beret

Spring training starts today

Some of the most glorious words you can hear are "pitchers and catchers report today," as today is the opening day of spring training for several Major League Baseball teams. And in honor of this I give you my fantasy baseball team.

1st Base - Mark Texeria - One of the last few Gold Gloves in the AL and a rather good hitter.

2nd Base - Stacy's Mom - She's got it going on.

SS - Plastic Man - Who wouldn't want to have a guy that has literally complete range?

3rd Base - Alex Rodriguez - Best position player in baseball.

Right Field - Ichiro Suzuki - Great arm, patient batter, and great eye. Not to mention he is from Japan and thus adds some international appeal.

Center Field- The Flash - Your center fielder has to be fast and no one is faster then the Flash.

Left Field - Manny Ramirez - The man really should be a DH, but he isn't, so he gets to play in our outfield. The man is amazing, all he does is play amazing every year.

Starting Pitcher - Superman - The man has a real heater.

Catcher - Republican slime/noise machine - They never miss anything.

Musical Cartoon

If at first you don't succeed, stay away from base jumping.

Confessions

I have some confessions.

I shot the deputy.

I stole Eminem's snare.

I know the way to San Jose.

I framed Roger Rabbit.


I let the dogs out. I'm sorry. I'll try and put them back in.

Liberal Chuck Norris

Last Friday, Chuck Norris endorsed someone for president. Sadly, it was Newt Gingrich and because of that, us here at AbovetheDin decided we need to choose a new hero to be an Internet phenomenon. Someone who can combat a man who would choose as a leader a guy who divorced his first wife after her first treatment for breast cancer, while she was in the hospital.

The criteria to be considered:

1. Be able to defeat Chuck Norris in combat

2. Be Liberal

And now the Nominees are:

10. Senator Hillary Clinton

(Wikipedia)
Why she’s number 10: Senator Hillary Clinton would probably not be able to defeat Norris in hand-to-hand combat, but you don’t think she’d let it get that far, do you? She’d have his brakes cut or she’d just shoot him like Indiana Jones. Senator Clinton was able to convince an entire state that hadn’t been living in for long to elect her to the Senate. And she got them to re-elect her and now she is running for president.


9. Brendan Fraser

(Movie promo poster)
Why he’s number 9: Brendan Fraser is a true action star. He has saved the world from a mummy and then again from a mummy. Watch out, he will kick your ass and throw you to a monkey.

8. Matt Damon

(movie promo poster)
Why he’s number 8" He’s been "bourne" again as an action star. He has given some good money to a few Democratic candidates and seems to be a real liberal. He is a Massachusetts liberal who can kick some ass; we always need more of those.

7. Tom Daschle

(Wikipedia)
Why he’s number 7: He needs to do something.

6. Sir Charles Barkley

(NBA.com)
Why he’s number 6: Listen to the man talk
BARKLEY: I hope you sell a lot of books. And I never heard of "The Savage Nation," don't care about "The Savage Nation." I care about this nation.
SAVAGE: What do you do? I don't even know who you are. I have no idea who you are. What are your qualifications?
BARKLEY: That makes two of us.

And
"The only reason most people don't like me is because there [sic] life sucks."

5. Jon Stewart

photo by: Norman Jean Roy
Why he’s number 5: This video really sums it up.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=KIrN8rqbqcY

4. Rosario Dawson

(Movie promo photo)
Why she’s number 4: Ms. Dawson runs a great political organization called votelatino.org, which works to get Hispanic Americans registered to vote, and she kicks some major ass. What did she do to research her latest role? Dawson and her co-stars joined the real protests during the RNC, followed by cameramen who looked, of course, just like the real news cameramen. (Crooker, in real life, makes documentaries, so he could shoot his character's own footage.) So effectively was this work done that Dawson was actually arrested, handcuffed, and held in jail for nine hours before convincing the police she was an actress playing an activist.

3. The Rock

(WWE.com)
Why he’s number 9: He is a damn fine cook and an action star. I’m not sure if he’s liberal, though. He walked tall, coached football and beat up other men in shorts; you don’t mess with the Rock.

2 Stephen Colbert


Why he’s number 2: The Man, the Myth, the Legend. A man so powerful he got a bridge in Hungary named after him.


1. Jennifer Garner

(Doanne Gregory)
Why she’s number 1: Have you seen this woman? Garner was the lead role in "Alias," where she played a deadly secret agent. She went toe to toe with Collin Farrell and Ben Affleck in "Daredevil" and then in her own solo role. You don’t mess with her.

Big Pun

Why do lawyers get such a bad rap? It's because they are mostly white.

I was thinking of changing jobs and joining the police, but Sting says he still doesn't want to be part of a group.

Caviar and Michal Jackson have something in common. They both come on small white crackers.

Good night and good luck.