He Really is Not All That Into You

Dear Avril Lavigne,

Guess what, babe? He is not all that into you. You should really consider moving on and finding another guy.

He is flattered that you think he looks good but he doesn't care. I am glad you think you are great and his girlfriend is lame. Well guess what? You shouldn't date her! He is the one dating her and he obviously likes her more then you or else he would be dating you.

Your friend,

Doughnutman

How I Want It

I want it medium well

with sides of mashed potatoes,

marinated green beans,

some fresh corn on the cob,

maybe a little gravy on the side, too (if it's not that difficult),

and a diet cola.

You got all that, P. Diddy?

Do I need to send you an email, Christina Aguilera?

This is Why I'm Hot

Why am I hot?

I'm wearing 4 sweat shirts

I represent New York

I just ran a maration

I watch them get it on da flo

I just drank some hot chocolate

I hit da studio

I worked out for six years

This is why I'm hot.

What I like about you

1. You hold me tight

2. Tell me I'm the only one

3. You whisper in my ear

4. Tell me all the things that I wanna hear

5. You know how to dance, I mean really know how to dance

6. Wahh!

7. You make me feel alright

8. Brrr

9. Hey

What I got instead of satisfaction

I was unable to acquire satisfaction. Here is a list of things I was able to acquire:

1. Appreciation
2. Idaho
3. Gold medal
4. Ice cream
5. Fruitcake
6. Toothpaste
7. Dictionary
8. Congratulations
9. A Hickey
10. Forest-green beret

Lists

Here are some lists:

People Running for President:

Republicans
US Senator Sam Brownback (R-Kansas)
Former Governor Jim Gilmore (R-Virginia)
Former US House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Georgia)
Former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani (R-New York)
Former Governor Mike Huckabee (R-Arkansas)
Congressman Duncan Hunter (R-California)
US Senator John McCain (R-Arizona)
Former Governor George Pataki (R-New York)
Congressman Ron Paul (R-Texas)
Former Governor Mitt Romney (R-Massachusetts)
Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-Colorado)
Former Governor Tommy Thompson (R-Wisconsin)

Democrats
US Senator Joe Biden (D-Delaware)
Former Army General Wes Clark (D-Arkansas)
US Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-New York)
US Senator Chris Dodd (D-Connecitcut)
Former US Senator John Edwards (D-North Carolina)
Former Alaska US Senator Mike Gravel (D-Virginia)
Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio)
US Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois)
Governor Bill Richardson (D-New Mexico)
Governor Tom Vilsack (D-Iowa)

Flavors of ice cream
THE 15 MOST POPULAR ICE CREAM FLAVORS

(Flavor, percent preferring)

1. Vanilla, 29%
2. Chocolate, 8.9%
3. Butter pecan, 5.3%
4. Strawberry, 5.3%
5. Neapolitan, 4.2%
6. Chocolate chip, 3.9%
7. French vanilla, 3.8%
8. Cookies and cream, 3.6%
9. Vanilla fudge ripple, 2.6%
10. Praline pecan, 1.7%
11. Cherry, 1.6%
12. Chocolate almond, 1.6%
13. Coffee, 1.6%
14. Rocky road, 1.5%
15. Chocolate marshmallow, 1.3%
All others, 23.7%

Source: International Ice Cream Association, 888 16th St., Washington, D.C., 20006.

Confessions

I have some confessions.

I shot the deputy.

I stole Eminem's snare.

I know the way to San Jose.

I framed Roger Rabbit.


I let the dogs out. I'm sorry. I'll try and put them back in.